More on ACFW Conference – His Strength

As I work doggedly to fine-tune the first three chapters of my first novel,  create a one-sheet, synopsis, and a proposal for the ACFW conference, my nerves once again take over. It’s a thing I deal with before conferences. Frustrating. I lose sleep; ideas pop into my head at all hours of the night and my brain goes into overdrive!

By the fourth or fifth night of little or no sleep, I question whether I should even attend the conference. What if I get sick? Or am too tired to get anything out of the classes once I get there? A lot of money is going into this conference. I can’t afford to waste it!

Finally, I wake up (ha! what’s that?!) and take the whole matter to the One who never slumbers. Duh! How does a believer dink around in misery, waiting for days before recognizing she has a problem she can’t handle? Ask me. I’m pretty good at it.

In my recliner, middle of the night; on my knees, middle of the night; middle of my living room, middle of the night; I ask for peace. Should I go? Am I supposed to be a writer? I’m sure You’ve called me there, but now I don’t really know. I need answers. I need to cry, but I’m so tired I can’t. What is it You want me to do?? I just need an answer!

No answer. Nothing.

The day before conference, after three nights of beating on heaven’s door, I sit with my husband at the breakfast table and share our daily devotion. As he reads from the scriptures, my mind wanders a bit. How can I be so tired and not sleep? Are you telling me this writing thing is my idea, not Yours?  Suddenly, my mind is jerked back to the kitchen table and the words my hubby’s reading.

Paul is talking about the “thorn in his flesh,” a messenger of Satan, given to torment him and to keep him from becoming conceited.

 ”Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me,’My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I sit there knowing He has answered my prayers. No, I don’t immediately fall asleep!  His grace is sufficient…and, tired as I am, I feel a bit stronger. And tears — ah, finally! — roll down my cheeks. I’m gonna make it. I’ll go to that conference and He will strengthen me!

I went. It was wonderful. And whether I get published or not, He’s teaching me that His strength is made perfect in weakness. And man, am I weak. Rest your power on me, Jesus!